"Summertime"

A&W Root Beer, Canadian magazine for kids, banana, tissues, lucky "Babies 'r' Us" pen. 

Thoughts:

So this school year has ended. The crush ended. I was basically shunned out of the group I hung out with most of the year. God! They made me feel like I was some un-charismatic fool in shallow waters. If they swam with me, boy, would they drown. I could swim circles around those tools. Oh, well. Now I can hang around with the jazz and art children.  I actually want to hang out with people this summer. But I also want to practice saxophone everyday, so... eh = Jam! Ponder, Chiltins.

Practical Jokes that Shaped History:

Defenestration of Prague: So, two Bohemian officials push this important guy from the Holy Roman Empire out a window into a pile of dung! Resulted in the Thirty Years' War, in which Catholic France fights with the Protestants, and Spain/HRE start to decline in power...

Charles II: Flees to France (from England) dressed as a woman! Oliver Cromwell, the Protectorate. Ha, good one.

Battle of Poltava: Peter the Great (Russia) defeats Swedish generals, captures them, and then invites them to dinner just to tell them that they basically screwed themselves over. That Peter... Swedish decline from a great power in the Baltic. Peter - what a hoot!

French Revolution: National Convention! Just kidding. Directory. Nope! Fooling around - Consulate! We've gotten you again - now we are an Empire! Metternich - "Enough stupidity, France. Man up and be a damn Monarchy again. Do the French ever make up their minds? *cough 1830 and 1848*" 

Imperialism: Dr. Livingstone and similar explorers strap a shocking device to the palm of their hand to make tribesmen believe they were actually magical. A couple decades and some machine guns later, Africa is just a great big cake. 

W: We misunderestimated his strategedy - eh he he eh?

Soaps:

"So, let me get this straight - Kelly slept with Kevin, but then Kevin had herpes (which he got in Guatemala) and they weren't protected. So then Kelly was seeing Ashley's brother Derrick, who had gone out with Mary?"

"No, Mary's lawyer - Derrick had supposedly being suing Mary for something having to do with lots of margarine, but then Derrick dumped her for his cousin."

"Oh no, honey - Derrick went out with his second cousin, who is actually also Lauren's third cousin."

"And Lauren was that girl who babysat Carol's baby when Carol had that affair with Tim."

"No, affair with Tom, married to Tim. Then Tim tried to commit suicide, but was saved and he hooked up with one of the nurses in rehab."

"Right, and that nurse is related to Tony, the guy we met in Italy."

"No, that it his evil twin brother."

"Oh."

"And that person is me." Pulls coat jacket away to reveal gun. "And I want Andy's funeral/wedding money that he got from his cousin in Jamaica!"

Ponder, silly silly people.